Robin Dance. This woman sparkles, and only in the best, non-vampire related way. She is so funny, and gorgeous and thoughtful and real. I know you will love what she has to say about doubt.
When Jennifer invited me to contribute to her Lenten series, I was so honored I leapt before I looked; in other words, before I considered the truth of who I am, I answered “Sure!”
Truth be told, I was flattered my new blogging friend asked for my words. Ego is a curious thing, isn’t it? Compelling us to make choices that don’t always make sense. Because I had an idea of what I felt led to write, that was reason enough to agree.
But then I failed to record my publish date on the calendar.
I forgot until yesterday, when it popped in my mind and I frantically searched messages to see when I was scheduled. Today. Of c o u r s e yesterday was crowded with life and surprise leaving me little time to knit together thoughts to words.
Jennifer, ever a woman of grace and understanding, said, “Don’t worry, be happy!” Not really; but she did kindly offer to accept it when I could finish.
Like Jessica’s confession, I grew up in a denomination that didn’t practice Lenten observation. In clouded memory, I recall my pastor suggesting “If you can give it up for 40 days, you might as well give it up forever.” Even in my naivete, that sounded like a cop-out. But it got me out of having to give up anything, so I accepted it blindly, happy not to be bound by legalism.
Oy…My arrogance doth show.
I’m convinced now, it has been my loss. Lent is a somber, beautiful season of preparation for the believer…or it can be. David Platt asked and answered the question “Why fast?” “Because we hunger for God’s Word in our lives, God’s power in the church, & God’s glory among the nations.”
Hunger refuses to be ignored. Sometimes it roars and sometimes it just hurts, but it always demands attention. It’s the body’s way of telling you what it needs; unsatisfied it leads to death.
I’m a doubter, a question-asker, a cynic at times. I used to think those things were sin, damning evidence that my heart, in fact, was unregenerated, testimony to my need to be saved.
And then one morning I heard a glorious word from God’s vessel who declared those things to be the very thing that God was using to draw me to Him. It was true, I did pray for wisdom and beg for mercy and scour the Word when I doubted. God wasn’t offended by my ignorance, my questions, my unbelief and it was no big surprise to Him.
Thank God, He gave me Thomas!
Thank God, He gave me an honest father.
For me – and others like me – God provided assurance, people to whom I could relate–gifts of grace and mercy, kindness and generosity.
A friend of mine recently penned a beautiful piece on doubt and its shadows and a reader shared this:
1. ‘Remember the opposite of faith is not doubt – it is certainty.’ Reverend Keith James
2. ‘The Opposite of doubt is not faith – it is certainty.’ Richard Holloway [BBC essay ‘Reasonable Doubt’]
Christianity is an unbelievable religion–Creation spoken into being?? Jesus – the incarnation of God?! Also, so hard to believe. This carpenter who dared to make outrageous claims? Who surrendered to every authority and invitee certain death only to be resurrected after three days entombed?
I envy those who are so certain about their faith, who don’t seem to wrestle with Truth.
Doubt is a reasonable response, the human response, and apart from the Spirit’s leading, there’s no way out of the downward spiral. I suppose my questions arise most when I’m resurrecting my old body, forgetting Who reigns within and without–Christ in me, the Hope of Glory.
Forty days to nurture a hunger for Bread of Life. Forty days to tender our heart to the incredulity of the Gospel. Forty days to remember – to remember! – Who Jesus is and what He’s done and the miracle of Kingdom life now and forever.
I’m currently worshipping in a Body that doesn’t practice Lenten fasting or abstinence from personal pleasures. And I’m afraid I lack the discipline? the desire? the devotion? all?? to follow through on my own.
I feel no guilt, but I do sense loss.
Suddenly, I’m ravenous.
Robin Dance is a contributor to Simple Mom, Deeper Story (Family) and (in)courage, but her writing home is PENSIEVE where she recently got News from her doctor that sheimmediately felt the need to share. She’s married to her college sweetheart, perfectly parents three children (in her dreams) and she sincerely believes God gives baby rainbowsto people who need ’em.